So this is my first blog post...ever.
I have toyed with the idea of starting a blog for some time now,
but I generally assume that no one really wants to hear what I have to say. I know some people go into these types of things with grand dreams of eventually
writing a book or something like that, and though I can't say that I haven't
dreamed about it, I put no real stock in my own ability to write or that I
really have anything that interesting to say. Some people create blogs
so that they can simply kvetch (yes it's a word) about what is going on in
their life and so that people they know can share in the burden that is their
existence. I am not planning on doing that either (at least I hope not!). Then there are those people (like my wife) who write these types of things because they want to keep people informed.
No, the reason I am finally hopping on the bandwagon will most
likely seem entirely like a ridiculous excuse to air my own dirty laundry or to
share my opinion where it is not wanted. I am finally taking the time to
sit down and write because God told me that I needed to. I have been avoiding
it for a while now; filling my time with other worthless things, but all the
while with this growing thought that has been pressing on my brain and on my
heart.
So here it is. It probably isn't going to be pretty, in fact right
now my blog itself looks like a hot mess, but like a mosaic, hopefully I can
put it together piece by piece until I have something of value. Something
that God is going to use for His glory.
I know that most of the people who I wish
would read this blog probably won’t, and those who do read will probably not even be my “target audience” (though I do
appreciate your support and hope that you keep reading…). I just hope that someone is getting something
out of this, but that part is not my responsibility.
So here’s the thought that has been going on in my head (it also
happens to be the title of this particular post, if you hadn’t noticed):
Sometimes, in life, when
you finish a chapter, it feels like the whole book is ending.
For those of you to whom this particular post pertains (namely,
the students of FCCB youth group, and their affiliates, appendages, parents,
etc. whom I developed relationships with while in MA), this particular truth
might not even realized for you. What I
mean is that, for most of you, my returning to Pennsylvania probably has had
little effect on your day to day existence.
For most of you, life has continued on, as well it should. Although things may be slightly different on
those Sundays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays (some Fridays, Saturdays, and well,
pretty much any day of the week) that we interacted, not a whole lot has
changed. Me leaving may have been
difficult, maybe it even elicited some tears (I know you balled your eyes out
David…), but when all was said and done…Life.
Goes. On…without me.
I know this truth full well, and I tried to remind myself of it
every day of the month of September (most of the time by simply looking at
Facebook). I mean, who am I to think
that my absence would change much. I
know that I am not the center of your world, and I hope I never acted that way
either. My life is not the Truman Show
(if you haven’t seen the movie, I recommend it http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120382/). Things
do not stop simply because I am not around for them. The show does not come to an end just because
I exit stage left (or, in my case, because I headed south).
Knowing this truth full well, I was still not prepared for the
gaping hole that not working at FCCB left in my life. You see, of the 20+ people who I interacted
with on a weekly basis each only needed to adjust to the absence of that one
relationship. I, on the other hand, was
suddenly devoid of all of those relationships that had consumed my time and
contributed to the meaning that I associate with my existence. I truly did not know what to do with
myself. I thought that I would get all
these different things done, but I ended up watching the entire first season of
Grimm that first week of September. I
think that watching it helped me to cope with the intense loss that I was
feeling, because occupied my mind in a way that took the pressure off.
Whenever I thought about leaving Mass, about no longer being a
part of the lives of those that I had come to know and love, those that I had
cared, prayed, and worked for these last three years, the tears would
start. It felt like someone took a
scalpel and cut a Boxford-sized hole (which coincidentally is shaped like a
shoe, just in case you were trying to visualize it) out of my heart. I was only finishing that particular chapter
of my life, but it felt like the whole book was ending (and way too soon for
that matter). I didn’t feel like I was dying,
but it felt like a part of me was, and that somehow I could not go on as I was.
That’s the funny thing about life sometimes, and it is the point
that I am trying to make out of this horrifically long diatribe (ha, and you
all thought I was done with writing ridiculous papers!). We all, at some point, go through transitions
in our lives. Sometimes they are small,
like getting a Droid when you’ve had an Iphone for 3 years. Other times, they are huge, like graduating
from high school and going to college, or losing a loved one, or moving to
another state and leaving people you care about behind.
When those things happen; when you close a chapter in your life,
it may feel like the story couldn’t possibly continue…that it is coming to an
end. When that happens, the internal
(and sometimes the external) conflict can be excruciating. It’s hard to think about the story continuing
without you, and it is equally as hard to imagine where your own story is going
to take you. But the amazing (but
sometimes painful) thing about conflict is that it is a catalyst for change,
and sometimes change is good.
So what’s your story? Many
of the students I know back in Boxford are going to college next year. That is a huge time of transition, and as you
close the chapter of high school and open the one about college, what will it
be like for you? Will it be one filled
with joy or grief or conflict? Will it
be filled with Christ? If conflict is
the catalyst for change, what will be the change in your life? When you experience conflict in your life,
will you use that to grow closer to God or further from him?
For me, I think this time of transition has already been one where
I have grown closer to God. Maybe I am
just energized by my first day at my new job, but I am excited to see the ways
in which God is going to use me to impact the lives of the students in York,
PA. I am sad to no longer be a part of
the family in Boxford, but I know (because God has told me so… ) that he is
using this transition for our good and for His glory. For those of you that I have had the
privilege of working with in Boxford, I hope that at some point you will make a
cameo in my story, or that I can make a cameo in yours. But if that is not in the plan for us, then I
look forward to the day where we get to celebrate the continuation of the Story
of all stories as we worship Jesus together…side by side.
So what do you think of my first blog post? Ridiculously long, I know. I have had a lot to say for a while now, but hopefully
this new adventure will be the start of something good. I will try to share these tidbits as they
come to me, and I hope that God can use them as you live out the story he has
written for you.
Until next time,
Kevin
